girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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