Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
