Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
