I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize