You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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