The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
