Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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