Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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