I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
