Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
