her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
