So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
