Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
