if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
