hell yes lets make some ravioli
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
