You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
