she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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