just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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