So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
