youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize