Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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