did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
