I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize