my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
