I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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