She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
