I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
