I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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