just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
