you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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