How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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