My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize