ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
is wine microwaveable?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
