I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
