Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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