I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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