We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
BRING THE BAGELS
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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