I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
