I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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