We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
