we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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