I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
