His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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