If i come over, it means nothing
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
