I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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