I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
