At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
