The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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