i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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