Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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