Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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