By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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