I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize