I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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