So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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