Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
