I wanna passion pit in your ass
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize