Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
