I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
dude. I can hear the air.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
