Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
