I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
