Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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