Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
