I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
