Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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