this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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