The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize