Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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