I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
