if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
