Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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