sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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