bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize