So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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