OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
