just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize