good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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