Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
