Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
