I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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