He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
