thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
