Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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