also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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