I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
