Heybabeimwearingurpanties
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
