I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
