I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
