P.S. I can't hear my feet
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize