i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
