Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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