shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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