What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
