My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
