hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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