I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
