I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
