i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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