i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
